Always Feeling Tired? Maybe You’re A Perfectionist? #AMCoffee

July 21 – Feeling Tired Maybe A Sign of Being A Perfectionist
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being tired perfectionistGrab a cup ‘o Joe and share what’s on your mind for an hour on this MONDAY, JULY 21.

Β I remember times when Perfection was my goal. When I was driving my train of success at full speed, without any stopping. I had a great time and great successes. And the time in my life’s history had come when I reached the point of exhaustion that stayed with me all the time, without leaving my presence.

What did I have to do? I had to let go my way of living, i.e., of being a perfectionist in everything, in every living, breathing moment.

What people don’t realize is that once you’re in the mode of being perfect, it becomes a “lifestyle.” A dangerous one and only fulfilling in a very segmented area(s).

Learning to let go and focus on getting pleasure from other activities in my life was a superb achievement that I am happy I made.

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Comments

  1. CoffeeTime says:

    AM COFFEE – Sign In! HELLO, Everyone!

    Have you ever been a perfectionist?

    If yes, what was it like for you?

    sign in am coffee

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      Good Morning. No, I am far from a perfectionist. Sometimes I really wish I were.

    • Good morning to everyone…I am in no way a perfectioniist.

    • Karen Hinkle says:

      good morning all missed you and I want to try to be but I say no but I do so want to be hope every one is doing good

    • Mornin’ Hehe, guilty!

    • julie ferguson gould says:

      No way am I a perfectionist but my Wife is………..Makes me a bit crazy sometimes….Shes has OCD…:)

    • wendy c g says:

      Good morning everyone

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      Good Afternoon all, no far from perfectionist for sure. πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      Hello. I was somewhat of a perfectionist in school. I strived to get perfect grades, straight A’s and above a 4.0 GPA. I did all of that for years and years. Never needed anyone’s help, never focused on socializing or having fun. It left me lacking personal skills and when I needed help with things like going to college I was alone and confused. Low and behold, with suburb grades I never pursued higher education other than dental assisting school. I didn’t know where to start and still feel lost in that area to this day.

      • Katrina A. says:

        Ugh….the fact I spelled fill and meant feel is going to bother me…..see…it’s still in there somewhere. lol

        • CoffeeTime says:

          Katrina,
          Changed the spelling for you, he, he!

          If you need help, support, answer questions about some things, please feel free to ask on our pages or in group. I’d love to help with what I know and can.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      Hello all. I have never been a perfectionist.

  2. CoffeeTime says:

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  3. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee
    BEING A PERFECTIONIST MAY HAVE YOU WORK LONGER AND HARDER

    Striving to be perfectβ€”which is impossible makes you work much harder and longer than necessary, says Irene S. Levine, PhD, professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine.

    “You set goals that are so unrealistic that they are difficult or impossible to achieve, and in the end, there is no sense of self-satisfaction.”

    Levine recommends setting a time limit for yourself on your projects, and taking care to obey it. In time, you’ll realize that the extra time you were taking wasn’t actually improving your work.

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      My supervisor is a perfectionist. I shoot and edit video for my job. He’s learning how to edit but he’s a perfectionist. It drives me insane. He will take a month to do a project that could be done in a day!

      • Karen Hinkle says:

        my hubby to is he will not just let it be it must be done perfect and some time he drivers me nuts I tell him to let it go its good enough but no he cant but at the end it is a great job he has done

    • I set goals for myself everyday, but in no way can I say I am a perfectionist. I just strive to try to get stuff done and if it does not get done I put in on tomorrows list. It will get done sooner or later.

    • I often go past the goals that I set – I need to be stricter with my goals, and learn to leave good enough alone.

    • julie ferguson gould says:

      My wife with her OCD…She tries to set some daily or weekly goals and well……..That never happens…She has to go above and beyond with everything. Bad thing with that is with her being ill it really wears her out. One day of her working wipes her out for 2 days….After 16 years I have learned to NOT try and stop her, just take care of her after πŸ™‚

      • CoffeeTime says:

        Julie,
        It’s hard, and it’s invaluable that you are there to “catch” her after the wipe-out!
        There should be a breaking point when a person may stop. But it may never happen either.
        With me, it happened in an instant, like a thunderstorm from above – I just stopped and rethought my life. It was an amazing experience.
        I love to succeed – who doesn’t? – but it is done with a different attitude. Peace in every step.

    • wendy c g says:

      Sounds good

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      That is so true and would take so less time. I used to have a boss like that also. πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      I’m the opposite of what I was in HS. Now I am more of a slacker. I need to find that perfect medium.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      This is so true about perfectionist setting to have of goals that it is impossible for anyone to achieve them. You need to set goals you know you can achieve.

  4. CoffeeTime says:

    am coffee

    BEING A PERFECTIONIST CAN EASILY BREAD DIFFERENT FEARS INSIDE

    FEARS can range from not making a mark, not being accepted by others, not being totally be the first in the game of a project.

    These fears are real, and they hang over you without letting you live your life, thus, constantly striving for doing MORE, doing it BETTER than ever and than ANYONE.

    What would help in this situation is a SUPPORT from the outside, a good friend who could support you in seeing things from a different perspective and mixing your “plans and ambitions” with real life. Should we say, show you a way to Smell Roses on the road to actually accomplishing your project on time and with flying colors.

    • Karen Hinkle says:

      well then I am glad I am not a PERFECTIONIST I don’t need to deal with no more then I can handle

    • Okay this one is a hard one. Because I do strive to be the best I can be in everything I do. And I want to make sure my children are proud of who I am and how hard we work to get what we have. I think I need to figure out a new approach this subject because I am one who gets upset when things do not go right.

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      I’m far from a perfectionist but I still have most of the same fears (not being accepted, etc). Overcoming anxieties is a process though and I’m working on it.

    • my husband does this in a joking way, telling me that my site is great, what’ I’ve already done in housework is awesome. It’s important to have someone who can really stand by you…

    • julie ferguson gould says:

      My wifes friends have always tried to get her to settle down, not have to be perfect. But it doesnt really help much. My wife is very very stubborn. She goes as far as color coding all our clothes and sorting them She sorts short sleeve long sleeve , shorts from pants…….she does it all…There is nobody that can stop her lol

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      So true but with bosses is hard they do not want to hear suggestions. πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      Part of my problem from once being a perfectionist was having all those fears and letting them get to me. When I realized my fears had come true I pretty much gave up.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      It can cause extreme anxiety which leads to other health problems.

  5. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee
    Here are some hallmarks of a perfectionist belief system.

    I would like to invite you to read them all and see if you recognize any of them in you or in the people around you.

    Putting judgement is easy. Helping someone, and yourself included, to get out of this Perfect situation is the key to a better friendship and relationships.

    – As a person you are not okay as you are.
    – No matter what you achieve, the feelings of satisfaction are temporary. There is always more to do, be, accomplish.
    – Things are either black or white- no vaguely defined area of in between or close enough. Things in your life are either right or wrong, good or bad success or failure
    – You believe that only by making everything perfect on the outside will you feel peace and serenity on the inside.
    – If you continually achieve, acquire and look good doing it, you will be successful and happy.
    – When things go wrong or you do not achieve at a certain level, you have failed.
    – Effort and intention are not enough. Results must be productive and successful. Focus is on product, not process.
    – You are extremely competitive about almost everything.
    – You feel secretly judgmental of people who fall short of perfection.
    – You imagine others admire and value you only for your high level of achievement and production.

    • Karen Hinkle says:

      well then I don’t think my hubby is that bad so maybe he not lol

    • I am not that bad as some others. I just want to make sure I get things done in a timely manner. There are nights I do second guess myself but then snap back into reality and tell myself there is always tomorrow and the next day, ect.

    • ok, I guess I’m not as much of a perfectionist as I thought. For me it’s more about the work I do = if it’s any less than perfect, it’s not good at all!

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      Yep, definitely not me. I may be the opposite, lol. I can be competitive though. I do know a few people who are kinda like this though.

    • julie ferguson gould says:

      Thats my wife to a tee……Took me years to get used to because I am totally NOT like that at all…..But we accept eachother and our ways so it works πŸ™‚

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      I guess as reading am not ok as I am, do work hard to try to make myself better even though I know some things are out of my hands.

    • Katrina A. says:

      As a person you are not okay as you are….. that is the stand out one for me. Hinders a lot in my life, in my own head. I get to myself.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      I do see one of these I have felt and am working on which is “When things go wrong or you do not achieve at a certain level, you have failed.” I almost feel this way but not all the time.

  6. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee
    Being a Perfectionist should Result in a Perfect End Result in Everything That Person Does, True? –> WRONG.

    Here are just some of the troubles and situations a Perfectionist could be leaving through.

    1. Trouble in Relationships

    It’s very difficult to be in a romantic relationship with a perfectionist. Their expectations and demands are extremely high, and their partners often feel inadequate and pressured. In relationships, perfectionists often feel disappointed, angry and resentful. In friendships, they will always go out of their way to be supportive and gracious, but they also can be competitive, rigid, and very passive-aggressive

    2. Always Anxious and Exhausted

    The perfectionist lives with continuous anxiety about what needs to be accomplished. Unfortunately the perfectionist’s response to anxiety is to work harder and accomplish more and more and more. This leaves them exhausted and miserable most of the time.

    • Karen Hinkle says:

      ok no my hubby might no be a PERFECTIONIST because he is the most kind giving careing person I know

    • I thank gosh my husband is not a perfectionist. Because we already have a hard time with be a blended family. So we do not need to add anything more. We just take it day by day.

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      I could never live with a perfectionist. My husbands ex-girlfriend was one. He had developed a few of her habits and continued them when we first moved in together. They didn’t last long though. I’m extremely laid back and it must have been contagious. πŸ™‚

    • I guess there are moderate levels and extremes πŸ™‚

    • julie ferguson gould says:

      Well I think I have really taught my wife that it ok …..sometimes….to let it go for a while….Shes a perfectionist and Im not…we even eachother out πŸ™‚

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      I can see where that would be issues especially with bosses. πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      Anxiety is what gets to me. But I am kind of the anti -perfectionist now. I get too anxious and expect so little from others. It has lessened me as a person.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      Anxiety kicks in for me if something goes wrong but then I think purpose for everything and what is done is done. I do to to fix it if I can. I try not to get my self to worked up cause it just makes things worse.

  7. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee
    Here Are More Difficulties That Arise With a Perfectionist Attitude Towards Life and Oneself.

    3. A Deeper Sense of Shame

    The perfectionist is usually very intolerant of mess and disorganization. They believe that if they can make their outside environment look a certain way, that means that everything is good and safe on the inside. This is often an attempt to get away from deeper internal feelings of toxic shame. These are the feelings inside of them that are more messy, painful and disorganizedβ€”the feelings that are difficult to articulate, define or resolve immediately.

    4. Earning Your Specialness

    A perfectionist’s core internal belief tends to be they are not good enough or special the way they are. They believe their value comes from perfect production, achievement and service in every aspect of their life. When one feels like they have to constantly earn their place as β€œgood” in the world, it means living with a deeper sense that you don’t deserve to just exist and be loved for who you are.

    • Karen Hinkle says:

      don’t sound like the type of person I would want to be sounds sad if u ask me

    • It’s very hard – knowing you are special without attributing it to accomplishments – in today’s world, where people rate and respect accomplishment over virtue…

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      That would be tough. Being a perfectionist does not sound appealing.

    • I have to disagree with this statement just a little bit. Just because you like things clean and a certain way does not mean you are a perfectionist. I do not like a messy house and I like things to be put away so when we need them we know where they are. Nothing wrong with this.

      • CoffeeTime says:

        Tammy,
        I am with you!
        I love my house to be clean and in order. Messed up and dirty house would never happen here.
        We love parties, but after party, we clean all up.
        My daily life calls for a nice, peaceful environment to function successfully.
        Having a house in order and clean does not mean Perfectionism, not necessarily. We just love clean houses!

      • Karen Hinkle says:

        @Tammy no you are right I cant stand things to be messy either

        • julie ferguson gould says:

          @CoffeeTime True true…Daily is the key for me…I keep up evryday and then it makes it easier on my wife πŸ™‚

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      I do sometimes feel you have to earn your specialness in world today, not many see people for who they really are anymore.

    • Katrina A. says:

      Earning you specialness….that’s what i tried to do when I was younger and feel I failed miserably. So it’s almost as if now I cloud myself in a world of shame by never completing things or getting them to a point to where I am proud of them.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      Thanks for sharing this Laura because maybe in some ways I am a perfectionist. Things to think about anyway.

  8. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee

    WHAT CAN WE DO TO GET OUT OF THE ETERNAL TREADMILL CALLED PERFECTIONISM?

    What is the most valuable lesson to learn and to accept is that Perfectionism may be rooted in the Non-Acceptance of yourself and trying to prove the BEST that you actually are by becoming a Perfectionist.

    In my case, the competition at school since the 1st grade was so immense, I was expected to do everything PERFECT. My homework had to be perfect, so I could score the highest. My time doing homework had to be LONGER, so that I could learn more and better, so I could score better on my tests. My sports activities had to result in the BEST running time, jumping distance, as I was followed by the competition breathing in the back of my neck.

    My Perfectionism was rooted in the outdoing my competition surrounding me. And I succeeded in my studies, in my sports achievement, in anything you could name it.

    And I have reached the point and actually several points in my life when I had to sit down and make a conscious decision NOT to be a perfectionist any more. I had to RE-Teach myself the values and open up a different world of Peace and Calm and Bliss I am living in right now.

    I haven’t suffered any quality of work and success. As a result of my more peaceful and smell-the-roses life I have become MORE Successful in many areas I would never even imagine.

    • As a child, I won spelling bees and other competitions because I had to. Winning did not make me happier necessarily – it made me more determined to win more… I think it’s very difficult when child education goes hand in hand with competition

      • CoffeeTime says:

        Menu,
        My baby is going to the sports camp now where they teach them skills, they play games using those skills. The focus is on SKILLS vs Competition.
        I so much appreciate this approach. And my child LOVES it!
        They do play games and keep scores, but again, the coaches emphasize the skills. Everybody is happy. Every child is rewarded based on PARTICIPATION & SPORTSMANSHIP.

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      I think I was more of a perfectionist when I was younger (grade school into junior high) after that I’m not sure what happened!

      • julie ferguson gould says:

        Was kinda pushed to be a bit of a perfectionist when I was young too. My father thought us 3 girls had to be perfect…Whatever that means….But as I grew my Mom taught me that just being ME was all I needed to be……..She gave me a great sence of Worth….Taught me to “enjoy” every day as I am πŸ™‚

    • wendy c g says:

      I was a perfectionist when I was younger, then I had kids lol.

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      I work daily on trying to be at peace with the life am given at the moment πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      For me finding the medium between perfect and complete failure is tricky.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      I think I have always tried to be good at what I did because I had not got enough attention as a kid unless I did better than my other 4 siblings. I really don’t know for sure. I have always been hard on myself but it got worse when I had to stop working back in 2001. I had started working when I turned 16 yrs old and always usually had more than one job.

  9. CoffeeTime says:

    amcoffee
    Look what I’ve got for you today to enjoy –> Please enjoy the read and leave a comment as well.

    Don’t Eat Like a Hummingbird.
    Not if you want to lose weight.

    humming birds eat like a horse

    • Jennifer Hiles says:

      Wow, that was very interesting. The photo of the hummingbirds with the goldfish was crazy. I thought they just ate sugar water!

    • wendy c g says:

      I love hummingbirds, I see them all the time at our house. They are very territorial when there is a good source of food. I’ve seen them fight.

    • Virginia Rogers says:

      Commented, did not know that at all about hummingbirds πŸ™‚

    • Katrina A. says:

      Loved that one. Talking about all the fighting and dive bombing they do made me laugh. My grandpa has a bunch of feeders out. You actually do not need the red die in the water. Plain sugar water is fine.

    • Rebecca Swenor says:

      That is a very interesting story. If you are not doing any activities your body will not be burning calories so you don’t have to eat for storage.

  10. CoffeeTime says:

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